-Emmy "think tanks" should not turn to Twitter users for ideas. They are not comedy writers for a reason.
-I want to look like Christina Hendricks.
-My sister should not call me crazy because I laugh at everything if she's the one who broke into a gated community and into the backyard of my cousin's house when she was not at home.
-Walmart is, and will always be a horrible experience for me, no matter how "super" it is.
-Public restrooms are where you come in contact with the worst people.
-Little boys can use women's restrooms, but please, think twice about taking them into women's locker rooms, unless you want them scarred for life.
-Marie Callendar's has an intense brunch buffet.
-Netflix has turned work Saturdays into "movie Saturdays with a side of selling tickets" and I like it.
-Older people work out in the morning, hot guys work out at night
-I like going to the gym at night
-Days off should not start with getting up at 7:30
-I need to learn how to Charleston a la Pete and Trudy from Mad Men
-My mom's lost coffee cup will always be in the microwave. Always.
-My kittens are fascinated by the clock I put up in the bathroom.
-My brother likes Glee.
-You could live in an Ikea store if you had to.
Believe me...if I had to, I would live in Ikea, no problem.
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