The Latest Outrage

you: 1 of 300 frowning, self-absorbed, eye-contact aversive women on state street around farmer's market today
me: listening to ipod, perplexed, possibly projecting his misanthropy on the myriad miserable-looking women of santa barbara.
i've been to a few places, but sb is unique. having been raised in orange county, i thought i'd met a lot of unreliable, selfish, entitled parasites but jesus christ! moving to iv/sb showed me my naiveté. as i stroll state i look (briefly, i don't like too much eye contact, for fear of my thoughts being known i guess) into a lot of faces (also hiding behind shield sunglasses with a strong aversion to eye contact exceeding 1/10th of a second) and i wonder. i wonder if any of you narcissists are thinking about your place in the universe, can distinguish between 'your' and 'you're'/to, too, two/ whose, who's, etc., out-of-control deforestation, excessive whaling, or if we are a human plague (homo sapiens, an earthly disease?)? or are you more concerned with you, lindsay lohan going to jail, or mel gibson's latest bout of misogyny/prejudice. are you?? i want to know!!
so tell me, if you're reading this and think i'm a pretentious asshole (you might be right) feel free to call me on it! but if you're gonna take the time to click, type, and click again, please put some thought in it, cuz for real, it's difficult to find stimulating conversation in this town. if you relate to this, that's cool, i'm not alone in my concerns and neither are you :) and we might get along well.
what i would like to come of this post: 2 things:
1) an intelligent, thoughtful response from an attractive (independent thought is easily the most attractive aspect of any person, in my opinion) girl who also wonders if quality human interaction can be found here

or

2) people in santa barbara to wake up, realize they aren't the only people walking around this pricey town, and act decently toward each other (but i'm not holdin' my breath)



This is a recent missed connection featured on dear craigslist. Now I loves me some missed connections. Some are funny, most are desperate, but they are definitely a special part of my day. This one is different than the others. This is not some guy who shared a fleeting glance with the hot cashier at the trader joes on de la vina. Oh no, this is a frustrated individual who posts in hopes of securing the first female who fires a retort back at him.
 
This really got my goat, if you couldn't tell. Normally, I don't get this riled up about anonymous people on the internet unless they're writing about my family ( true story) but this guy is completely off his mark. I did not want to dignify his attack with a direct response, so I thought I'd share it with you.
 
As one of the self-absorbed woman you apparently sneak glances at, I'd like to say thanks. It's nice to be stared at, if only for a nanosecond of your day. I just want to apologize for my rudeness. You see, normally I walk up and down state street trying to make eye contact with every single guy that walks past me, but it gets so exhausting. I'm just too busy dodging tourists that decide to stop in the middle of the sidewalk to take pictures of our Spanish tiled Bank of America. As for my frown, that's my neutral face. It's not pretty, but I can't help it. You can ask my friends. I don't know about the rest of them. Your leering probably made them look unpleasant.
 
I'd also like to point out that I spent two years in your beloved Orange County, and I know exactly why you feel like this. Looks and money are incredibly important down there, resulting in a lot of vapid beauties. You want substance, you want intelligence...but you want all that in the vapid beauty. I hate to tell you, those girls are few and far between. The lucky ones that have both are already taken. No one dares get rid of rare commodities.
 
At first, I gave you props on your grammar requirements. Believe me, I'm the same way. It took every bit of restraint not to go over my high school yearbooks and correct every "your a great friend"  that my classmates left me. But hold up, did you really just write that, yet proceed to use the word "gonna?" That's not a word, you poor thing...and cuz? wow. And what's with the holdin' in the last sentence? Are we southern now? I know it's a pattern of speech, I drop my g's all the time, but I like to give myself a little credit when I'm writing out my thoughts.
 
And lastly, I have not been to many places, but I was away from Santa Barbara for a while, and I must say that ever since I moved back, the lack of superficiality has been refreshing. People here are honestly nice. Not the fake nice I used to get every day when I worked in LA, but honest to goodness nice. And true, there are some people who are not, and sometimes it seems like they enjoy antagonizing me when I'm working, but they're nothing compared to any other city I've lived in. Maybe everyone you have met has been like that, but I suspect it's a very small pool you're dipping your feet into. I don't know you, but it could be the women you're attracted to? Maybe? yeah, I thought so.
I won't always live here, I know that, but I'm not taking it for granted because short of moving to a small town in the middle of nowhere, this is the nicest it'll get. 
 
And lastly, yes, you are a prententious asshole. I'd apologize, but since I'm so narcissistic, I don't believe I've done anything wrong. But I will accept an apology from you, preferably in the form of flowers and a gift certificate to Chuck's restaurant. Their salad bar is amazing, but not cheap.  
 
Cheers, douchebag.
 
 
Thoughts?