What Would Don Draper Do?

When you work in downtown Santa Barbara and live at the Northernmost tip of Goleta, there's a chance you are in your car a good deal. And when you are in your car a good deal, there's a chance that you listen to the radio a lot. And when you listen to the radio a lot, there's a chance you are able to recite line for line nearly every commercial on the air. Most of the time I am rolling my eyes at the local ones, because honestly, did you have to find the shyest person in the world to do a voiceover? I know she's your granddaughter, but she sounds positively scared to tell you that pumpkin pies at Andersen's bakery are only 12 dollars. Either I'm going to start up my own voiceover practice or an ad agency catering to local companies. Maggie, come with me.

Don Draper is really the inspiration for this. I'm a self-proclaimed Idea Person. I think up stuff, I just normally can't execute it very well. That's for the smart people. Who else would have thought of "Make 2000 a Millenium Bash with Caitlin and Angela for President and Vice President?" Ok, I was 12 at the time, but I swear it was our slogans and peppy speech that helped us win. Or Mrs. Manning thought we'd be the least trouble. The latter was probably it, but we still rocked it. And we were trouble, so suck it you evil woman.

Junior high traumas aside, the more I watch Mad Men the more I start breaking down all ads, radio or otherwise. For the bad ones, I picture Peggy and the douchebag art guy pitching it to Don and getting ripped a new one for the shoddy work. I know, it's incredibly weird, but I'm not alone. Mags and I already discussed this. In fact, there is a great ad for a crappy beer on the radio that I have to marvel at it's genius. It's for Coors Lite, and the song goes along to the theme for the NFL. I think it's for the NFL. Some kind of sports game. It goes like this:

We know a guy

(His name is Steve)

He reached for a beer

(he thought was cold)

But it turned out to be warm!

He should have got Coors Lite

Cold Activated Cans

It tells you when it's cold

So you will always know

The end is probably wrong, but the song gets your attention. And that's not just why it's brilliant. It advertises something that is incredibly unnecessary and totally useless. You know how I know when a beer can is cold? When I touch it. Unless you were born deprived of a fifth sense, you don't need a mood ring for your beer. But when you listen to the commercial, you rejoice in the fact that someone has finally found a way to help you out just a little bit more in your life. Bravo, Coors.

And I know there is a lot that goes into advertising, and I know that I have no experience in the field, and I know that I was inspired by a character on tv who is not real, but I think I could be of some assistance to the locals who are in need of some guidance and some way to capture the Barbarians attentions. Hire me.