We so Crazy

I've heard it before. The same question, always asked with the same tone and inflection, usually a mixture of curiosity and exasperation with a hint of indignation, and a male is always the one inquiring.
You might know what I'm about to write. Us ladies have heard it many times in our life.
"Why are women so crazy?"

It's the question of the millennium. For males, that is. It feels like that's the first question they'd probably ask God when they die, only to be met by a hopeless shrug and an apology from the big guy.

But I know the answer. All women do. We only fight you because we are embarrassed to admit that we do have a whole bunch of crazy up in here, and the reason is even more appalling. The answer?

Men. It's always men. And not even men who are worth it. But why do women allow themselves to fall apart because of them? I don't know, the jury is still out on it. It must be something primal, but I'm no scientist, don't quote me on that. And I wouldn't have ever admitted it until I saw this story on Yahoo. Yes, that's where I get my news. Stop your judgment. The story was about a woman was just sentenced to 30 years in prison for tampering with another woman's parachute, causing her to fall to her death. Els Clottemans was a schoolteacher and an avid skydiver, which sounds like a cool gig, so why did she throw it all away?
It was all for a man. The deceased woman was apparently dating the same guy as Clottemans. Funnily enough, they're both named Els. Weird, but not the point. How much easier would it have been to break up with him? So much easier! And it would involve a lot less jail time. But the crazy doesn't help you think things out very well. It doesn't help at all.
It's why we see girls starting fights in clubs over some douchebag with bottle service. It's why some friendships are permanently ended. It's why girls are much better Facebook stalkers than guys. It's why we drive by boyfriends/crushes houses all the time for no reason at all...apparently....so I've been told. Why did Juliet kill herself when she awakes to find Romeo dead? Cra.zi.ness. Literally. I know that's fiction, but I know a lot of girls have fashioned their heartbroken suicides after that play. Fo' reals. I read about it once.

I know it's not just women who do this, but it's a pretty big majority. As one of the saner ones, I'd like to tell all the others out there to stop making us look so bad. It's not fun. We've come so far ladies! Are we really going to throw all our credibility out the window for some guy? Listen to me: Check yourself before you wreck yourself. It's for the good of our people. I know, it's not our fault. None of us are immune to the crazy. But keep an eye on it. It hurts more than it helps.

5-6-7-8!

So this weekend I tried Zumba for the very first time. "What's Zumba?" anyone under the age of 40 and/or not living in LA might ask. Good question. I'm not entirely sure myself, but it is a whole bunch of fast dances all mixed together to get you to sweat your soul out of your body while also being able to make you look completely ridiculous. Bonus! It is pretty fun, once you get over the fact that the moves can only be mastered by professionals. My friend and I got there a few minutes late and tried to hang out in the back, but the over-60 crowd dominated that area, too afraid to move up, so we made our way to the middle and literally, I mean literally, started shaking our asses. I don't know if the instructor had explained the warm up to everyone, but she gave no warning as she moved from exercise to exercise. I felt like Liz Lemon in a season 1 episode where Jenna drags her to a exercise class where everyone knows what they're doing except for her. Memory not as good as mine? Well, I'll show you. I searched high and low for it, and I couldn't get it alone, but it's in this here video. Enjoy. I'm at work, so I didn't watch it with sound, I hope there's not some weird song playing over it.



LOVE. IT. That was me at the beginning of class. Later on she explained the moves, and most weren't too hard to follow, but I definitely danced like a drunk white man at a wedding. Thankfully, everyone around me was flailing as well.
Will I go again? Definitely. Will other people laugh at me? Probably. But I'm used to that. Just another routine day for Angela...I need to go.

La cita delle ristoranti

Hello, my name is Angela, and I have an addiction to Facebook games.
(That's where you all say Hi, Angela. Or if we were in RENT we would sing to each other. In a perfect world...)

That felt good. Not really. It's sick. I need to stop, but I can't, not until I win. Want to know the kicker? You never win. Ever. It keeps going on and on and on and you're helpless to it's power. Apparently the games' only weakness is a healthy social life, and that is why I continue to spend my evenings at the computer, cleaning my restaurant and feeding my pet, Roscoe. It's horrible.

I used to scoff at these games, ignore all the invites my friends sent me, and just check my facebook only 10 times a day. I don't even know how I happened upon Restaurant City or Petville. I do know that I was overjoyed to discover that my co-workers had pets and we could all be neighbors. Then it all went downhill, and I believe at one moment I had 5 games I had to look after, each one more pointless than the next.

I blamed work. I mean, it's not very demanding. IMPORTANT? YES OF COURSE IT IS WHERE ELSE WOULD PEOPLE GO FOR QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT IN THE BEST LIVE VENUE IN SANTA BARBARA? (You never know who's reading this thing) I thought that if I had games to take up my day, the hours would pass. Yet they slow down the computer, take forever to load, and I can't even access Petville from my computer here. Did I quit then? No, of course not. Then I wouldn't be writing about this right now. Jesus, keep up people.

Even now as my avatar wanders down the street of abandoned restaurants, looking for coins or ingredients, I still keep it up. It's not like I'm enjoying this. I cringe when I hear the start up music, so why do I persistently check in every two hours? Sure, we have rehab for meth addicts, but what about facebook games? Where's my Loser's Anonymous?

I could just stop playing? Yeah, I suppose I can do that. It sounds weird, but I could try it. I might have to write out goodbye notes to all my friends who still play, but since it's really just my sister and two people whom I suspect are only participating in it to humor me, it won't be a long list.

Don't worry about me. I'll heal in time. I'm anxiously awaiting the release of Boy Meets World on Netflix. That'll keep me occupied for a while, so, that's not too bad. Maybe I'll take up needlepoint or baking. Either one will be perfect practice for when I become a cat lady. I mean, when I'm rich, famous, successful and living in a mansion overlooking the ocean while sending my security team to take care of the papparazzi hiding behind my guest house. It will literally be a house. Not a one room thing.

What's Souplantation without any spoons?

So a few years ago, I started a game with my college roommate, Polly. It was called "Let's see what cutlery we can steal from Cheesecake Factory." It was more of a competition than a necessity. When we explained it to friends, some people would look at us with concern in their eyes, and offer us their extra silverware, if we were really that hard up. They just didn't get it. It was for funsies. I was really bored, too. Sometimes, the game would expand to the dining hall, mainly with fruit.. The next year, I let my roommates in on the game, only to discover that my new roommate, Maggie, was already an avid restaurant thief. We combined our talents and got some great silverware that year, my pride and joy being that huge steak knife from Outback. I never saw this as wrong, per say. I mean, I knew waiters would probably look down at it, maybe even stop us if they saw it going on, but for the most part, it was silverware. They probably lose more in the trash then they do with people stealing it. Plus, I have a thing against chain restaurants. They have millions of locations across the world, and a lot of sexual harassment or unfair work environment lawsuits to look after, so I doubt that they were ever concerned about the loss of forks from their Irvine chain.
I highly encourage this game to you out there, just don't get caught. Because it would be the stupidest thing to get caught stealing. Seriously.

I have since ceased my game, mainly because my mom would probably question why we have mismatched silverware in our drawers, and also because I don't go out to eat a lot anymore, and when I do, it's a local place. I draw the line at local establishments. Plus, my wonderful little sister told my parents about it, and it was like I robbed a bank. They were horrified by it, and my dad said I was a sociopath because I didn't feel any remorse. From stealing silverware. Because that's where sociopaths start. With forks. If I had killed someone, maybe I'd agree with him, but I did not.

But where's the line drawn? Was it wrong for me to give my friends free drinks when they would visit me at work? Or save my ice tea cups so I only have to pay .65 cents instead of 2.35 when I go to the bean? Or take the stupid dress code poster on my last day? I think not. I'd like to think that I have a good moral code when it comes to other things. I'm like the wimpy version of Robin Hood. But I think on a list of travesties, mine would not even be on there. I'm not just saying that to make myself feel better, it's true. I mean, people steal dogs just so they can collect the reward. That's pretty low. Or those scammers that targeted the families of 9/11 victims? REALLY? I know that was a long jump from abducting pets, it still pisses me off. I always measure my wrongdoings by how guilty I feel. That wouldn't fly with a priest, but I think it's a good rule of thumb. If you feel guilty, you're probably doing something bad.  Unless you're a sociopath, of course.